The Best Part Of Breaking Up: A Laugh Out Loud Romantic Comedy (The Awkward Adventures of Jane Nash Book 3) by Christine Zolendz

Author:Christine Zolendz [Zolendz, Christine]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Christine Zolendz
Published: 2019-12-08T16:00:00+00:00

Match 1: My favorite mutual dislike so far: people who ask stupid questions. Then they tell you to start a chat with your match by asking a stupid question.

Me: I think my favorite mutual dislike is using dating apps.

Match 1: And yet here we both are.

Me: Yes, chatting like adults. Your next message isn’t going to be asking me for nudes, is it?

Match 1: Nudes? Forget nudes. I want a dating app that requires people to upload pictures of their medicine cabinet so I can figure out what kind of psycho I’m dealing with.

Me: Oh, that’s good and we need a feature that would recognize all unsolicited dick pics before they are successfully delivered, censor them, and give users the option to reveal them if they so choose.

Match 1: Oh, no really? Woman don’t like random dick pics? I thought you all had folders on your computer full of various-sized penises. ;)

Me: Oh, we do. I have an entire folder named Man Meat. And every time I receive an undesired one, I send back a bigger dick pic from my Man Meat arsenal.

Match 1: Hmm. What if you received a desirable one?

Me: Oh, then in that case I beg for the desirable one to come over immediately so I can acquaint myself with the one-eyed monster personally.

Match 1: LMAO. It sounds like we’d have a great dating app. I’d think it should also come with an emoji translator. I don’t know what half these women are trying to say to me.

Me: The app should also take your profile picture for you, not something you upload from a party you were at ten years and twenty pounds ago.

Match 1: With a three-hundred-sixty view so you can see them from all angles.

Me: We should also mandate an upload of the user’s residence. I once met a guy on Tinder and went back to his house where his mother walked in on us when she was trying to do his laundry. He also had a huge horsehead mask hanging on his wall that he kept asking me to put on.

Match 1: Are you serious?

Me: Unfortunately.

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